TITLE: The End of the Beginning
AUTHOR: Gabi Fisher
SPOILER WARNING: Fight the Future, the show through season 5
CLASSIFICATION: V A, UST
SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully finally talk about the events pertaining to their endeavors
with tanker trucks, bees, cornfields, and the Antarctic.
DISCLAIMER: I could only wish that I owned them... CC, FOX, 1013, and bunches of other
people own Scully, Mulder, the X-Files, and everything else that has anything to do with
the show.
* * *
Mulder and Scully had been back from Antarctica for
almost a month. In a week, they would be testifying in front of the Review Board. They had
spent very little time together, but rather alone, recuperating and attempting find a good
median between remembering and forgetting the events that had transpired recently.
They both knew that what had happened to-and between-them needed to be discussed, neither
wanted to make the first move. So instead they didn't talk at all, other than when
necessary.
Scully wanted to talk to Mulder, though knew that he would not listen to her in the way
she needed to be listened to. She needed to talk, not attempt to be convinced of what was
"really" going on, what had "really" happened to her. To them. She had
to decide for herself what happened. She needed to be allowed to make her own decisions
and come to her own conclusions, not be forced into believing something just because
Mulder did. Briefly Scully entertained the thought of talking to the Bureau's therapist,
she had spoken with her a few times before, but dismissed it on account that without
having been there, there was no way that anyone could understand what Scully was going
through. Scully supposed she could talk to her mother, but that would mean getting her
involved and facing the fact that her mother might think her crazy for the rest of their
lives. Scully herself barely believed the tale, only one foot was safely on the side of
sanity because she had been there. She had seen, just not understood. What she needed to
do was make sense of it all, and she had no idea where to begin.
Mulder, on the other hand, had believed the same thing for years, and considered their
experience more proof that aliens had already landed on earth. He could not explain
everything he had seen, but he had faith that one day he would, so his steadfast beliefs
did not waver. In time, he hoped that Scully would come to the same conclusions, but he
wasn't sure. She had resisted the possibility up until this point, so why should she
embrace it now? Was what she had been through, the little bit that she did remember enough
to change her mind?
When Mulder returned to Washington DC, his biggest concern was the X-Files. Supposedly
they were going to be reopened, but without his files, all his proof and years of work,
where would that leave him? Was there a point in reopening the X-Files if it meant he had
to start over? He had more knowledge than he ever imagined he would possess, but without
his documented proof, he was no better off than when he had known nothing.
Mulder had spent most of his waking time salvaging what he could of their files, which was
minimal at best. He refused to give up, afraid that if he did it would mean that he had
lost, for his spirit would be broken, which was certainly the plan of the people who
reigned his life, and he would have no proof of any work he had done in the years since
the opening of the X-Files.
When he finally let the cleaning crews clear out the basement office, Scully came down to
help him sift through their desks and drawers, saving what was not badly scorched, helping
haul bags of mangled, scorched items to the dumpsters behind the building. He was so
absorbed in what he was doing, that half the time he didn't even seem to hear her when she
spoke to him, and the other half of the time he gave only short, monosyllabic answers. In
all the time she spent sorting and cleaning with him in their singed office, they
exchanged fewer than twenty words. Eventually, Scully stopped coming in to the office, for
she could not bear to watch Mulder when he was in that state, when he was so focused on
one thing that the rest of the world meant nothing to him. She just couldn't handle it.
He spent days on end in the tiny office, often sleeping at his charred desk and continuing
his work the moment he awoke in the morning. Finally, AD Skinner told him to go home, get
some sleep, and if he came back before at least three days had passed, he was fired. That
was the only way Skinner thought he could get Mulder to leave the office without using
physical force, which would most likely not deter him anyway.
When Skinner returned to his office, he nodded to the person sitting in the chair facing
his desk. "Thank you, sir," she replied before standing up. "I'll have it
cleared out by tomorrow," Scully said. She then shook his hand and went down to the
basement after picking up several boxes from a storage closet.
As promised, Scully had emptied the office, leaving only a few trash bags and the scorched
furniture. All the papers, and files, and miscellaneous objects from inside the desk and
around the office were boxed and in storage at her apartment. She knew that Mulder would
be upset that she had done that without telling him, though he would be even more upset if
he found out when he walked into the office in two days. She decided to go to his
apartment, see how he was doing, and let him know that the contents of the basement office
were in her closet.
* * *
Scully chose the stairs over the decrepit elevator, unsure of its stability. As she
stepped onto Mulder's level, she was less sure of herself. When she was going over in her
mind what to say, it was much easier when she wasn't actually so close to him. And when
she didn't have to see his response to her words. She glanced down at the hexagonal tiles
of the hallway, and was reminded of the night of the bee, as she began to think of it. The
night was a turning point in her life, so it might as well have a title, she thought.
Scully had yet to decide if she was glad or disappointed that she and Mulder hadn't kissed
that night. God knew that she had wanted to, and most likely would kiss him if she had the
chance to do it again, but it was a step she wasn't sure she was ready to take just yet.
It would drastically change their relationship, and not necessarily for the better. She
knew that Mulder feared any type of lasting relationship and why would that change, even
for her? Long ago Scully learned that she did not have the ability change a person, no
matter how hard she tried or how much she loved them.
* * *
Mulder paced his apartment anxiously, unsure of what to do. He realized how pathetic his
life was without his work, but dismissed that as old news. Without the X-Files and Scully,
he was nothing. He remembered what he had said to her that night, "...have kept me
honest and made me whole. I owe you so much, Scully, and you owe me nothing." It was
true... without her, he was lost, unsure of what to do, where to go. Without him, she
could have a chance of a decent life and a good career, not just "Spooky's"
sidekick. Alone, she could do better.
Eventually he decided to turn on the basketball game. He sat on the couch, doing his best
to pay attention to the television, but found his mind wandering. Shortly, the doorbell
rang. <Maybe if I ignore it, they'll go away,> he thought. A moment later it rang
again. And again. With a groan, he stood up to answer the door. Whoever it was, obviously
was not going take no for an answer.
* * *
After the third time she rang the doorbell and no one answered, Scully figured Mulder must
be out. She took a few steps away from the door when she heard it open. She turned back
toward Mulder's apartment. Not seeing anyone, Mulder stepped outside of his apartment and
saw Scully. Their positioning reminded them both of that night several weeks before.
"Hi," Scully finally broke the silence.
"Hi, yourself. What brings you here?" Mulder asked.
"I wanted to talk to you," Scully said, not elaborating.
"Alright. Come on in. Is something wrong?"
Scully chose not to answer. Instead, she followed him into his apartment and sat in the
middle of his couch. He turned off the TV and sat next to her.
Several times, Scully opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She wasn't
sure what to say.
Seeing that she wasn't going to make the first move, Mulder asked, "How have you
been? What have you been up to?"
"I've been pretty good, or at least as well as can be expected," Scully paused.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Now or never, she told herself. She opened her
eyes, looked at Mulder, and said, "I cleaned out the office yesterday. It's all in
boxes for us to finish going through later."
Mulder's reaction surprised her. He didn't really seem to care. "I figured you or
Skinner would. It was inevitable. You two had to get me out of there somehow," he
said wryly.
"He wanted me to do it because... well, I'm not really sure why. I just figured you'd
rather have me do it," Scully said. She pursed her lips, wondering what was going on
in Mulder's head. She had not expected him to be so calm about it. Even though at times he
tried to deny it, the X-Files were his life.
Mulder didn't say anything. He just looked into her eyes, almost as if he was searching
for something. She tried to tell him that whatever she could do to help, she would. He
seemed to understand her, and relaxed slightly.
Though they were silent, their eyes spoke volumes. Even if they had known what to say,
there seemed to be little need for words at the moment. Mulder leaned toward Scully, and
met her lips in a kiss.
Surprising both of them, Scully gently pushed him back. Seeing what she had done to him,
she bit her lip, hard enough to draw blood, though she barely noticed it. She hadn't meant
to hurt Mulder, though she could see the pain she caused cross his face, tainted with
confusion. She scooted back, though there was little room in which to maneuver, she
managed to sit up, forcing Mulder to sit back as well. He moved to the corner of the couch
so that he could lean against the arm, or at least Scully hoped that was his reasoning. It
killed her to think that he was moving backward to get away from her. She pursed her lips,
carefully thinking of what to say to avoid hurting Mulder any more. Her hands were folded
in her lap, unmoving. She was astonished by her sudden sense of outward calmness. It
projected the exact opposite of how she was feeling.
No words came to her mind, nothing that she could voice to Mulder to explain her sudden
actions. Scully sighed, and to her surprise, started crying. Not just a few tears making
their way leisurely down her cheeks, but rather a torrent of tears. Within seconds she
found it hard to breath around her sobs, and fought for breaths. All the emotion she had
held on to, afraid to express or even show for the past few weeks which she had kept so
well hidden from the world, had ultimately surfaced in the end. They had been seeking
release, and had finally found their chance.
Mulder was as astonished as she was to see the sudden turn of events, perplexed at what
could cause her to start crying with so little provocation. Though he was unsure what to
do, he followed his gut feeling and gently shifted Scully onto his lap, wrapping his arms
around her shaking shoulders. She allowed him to move her, and then sank gratefully into
his embrace, eventually wrapping her arms around his waist.
They sat like that, intertwined and unmoving, for almost an hour. Her sobs subsided,
leaving behind a calm, serene feeling. Scully could not ever remember feeling such clarity
as she did then. Mulder was about to ask her something, what exactly, she was not sure,
but she could sense a forthcoming question. She shook her head slightly, softly
whispering, "Don't say anything right now. Just hold me. Please."
And Mulder did. In due time, he knew that she would explain herself. She always did, just
following her own schedule. No one, not even he, could rush her. And in her own time, she
would be ready to go farther. Until then, just being able to hold her was enough.
* * *
Please tell me what you think of this! It'll make my day. E-mail me at BlueEyedXPhile@hotmail.com. Thanks. :)
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