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How many X-Philes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 
23 to look at the bulb and get distracted because they realize it reminds them
of a scene from The X-Files

47 to note the vaguely heart-shaped bulb and discuss how it symbolizes the
romantic love between Mulder and Scully

19 to protest, “But that’s what happened with the Moon Light Bulbs and it
RUINED them!”

25 to write Mulder/Scully Romance fanfic based around the lightbulb (at least
eight to ten of these will be called “Light of My Life”)

4 to go start an MST3K-style web site making fun of aforementioned fanfic

831 to participate in the ensuing flame war on

7 to start a new “Light Bulb Angst” fanfic archive

12 to suggest that they not screw in the bulb because then the room will be
dark and it will be more X-Files-ish

7 to observe that bees could conveniently be hidden in light bulbs, and from
there make a series of deductions and write long treatises on how they have
figured out the entire alien conspiracy plot, complete with a prediction of
what the last scene in the show will be and where exactly Samantha Mulder is

9 to find a secret code on the box of light bulbs which explains why Krycek is
really a good guy

1 to actually screw in the light bulb

21 to suggest that the reason it only took 1 Phile to screw in the bulb is
that the manufacturer has sold out his artistic integrity and the bulb is
“dumbed down for the masses,” and therefore start a Light Bulb Disenchantment

34 to say that the light bulb is just as good as it ever was and that the LBDS
crowd must be missing the subtext in the light bulb

41 to stand in awe of the bulb’s brightness and start an Order of the Blessed
Enigmatic Light Bulb, nicknaming anyone who turns the lights off a “punk”

33 to post messages informing everyone that the light bulb’s manufacturer is
now devoting his time to a second project to develop halogen lamps


12 to try to get Spoilers about the upcoming shipment of light bulbs

19 Skinner fans to go buy more of the light bulbs because the bulbs remind
them of the top of their favorite character’s head

3 to notice that the bulb’s power is measured in “Watts” and speculate on a
possible Millennium crossover

28 to complain that there are too many comedy light bulbs this year

2 to accidentally break the bulb while trying to replicate Mulder’s mirror-
dance from “Dreamland”

38 to wander into chat rooms and ask, “OH NO, IS THE LIGHT BULB REALLY DEAD?”

7 to go to the hardware store and buy some more bulbs (it would have taken
fewer, but 4 of them got delayed because they kept asking the manager if he
had any “nice cerulean blue” paint and laughing hysterically)

2 to screw in the new light bulb (they wanted to be especially careful this
time, because Vince Gilligan designed it)

1 to turn the light off and leave the room . . . because The X-Files is on!

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