How many X-Philes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
23 to look at the bulb and get distracted because they realize it reminds them of a scene from The X-Files 47 to note the vaguely heart-shaped bulb and discuss how it symbolizes the romantic love between Mulder and Scully 19 to protest, “But that’s what happened with the Moon Light Bulbs and it RUINED them!” 25 to write Mulder/Scully Romance fanfic based around the lightbulb (at least eight to ten of these will be called “Light of My Life”) 4 to go start an MST3K-style web site making fun of aforementioned fanfic 831 to participate in the ensuing flame war on alt.tv.x-files.creative 7 to start a new “Light Bulb Angst” fanfic archive 12 to suggest that they not screw in the bulb because then the room will be dark and it will be more X-Files-ish 7 to observe that bees could conveniently be hidden in light bulbs, and from there make a series of deductions and write long treatises on how they have figured out the entire alien conspiracy plot, complete with a prediction of what the last scene in the show will be and where exactly Samantha Mulder is 9 to find a secret code on the box of light bulbs which explains why Krycek is really a good guy 1 to actually screw in the light bulb 21 to suggest that the reason it only took 1 Phile to screw in the bulb is that the manufacturer has sold out his artistic integrity and the bulb is “dumbed down for the masses,” and therefore start a Light Bulb Disenchantment Society 34 to say that the light bulb is just as good as it ever was and that the LBDS crowd must be missing the subtext in the light bulb 41 to stand in awe of the bulb’s brightness and start an Order of the Blessed Enigmatic Light Bulb, nicknaming anyone who turns the lights off a “punk” 33 to post messages informing everyone that the light bulb’s manufacturer is now devoting his time to a second project to develop halogen lamps 27 to reply with “HALOGEN LAMPS SUCK! I’M BOYCOTTING!” 12 to try to get Spoilers about the upcoming shipment of light bulbs 19 Skinner fans to go buy more of the light bulbs because the bulbs remind them of the top of their favorite character’s head 3 to notice that the bulb’s power is measured in “Watts” and speculate on a possible Millennium crossover 28 to complain that there are too many comedy light bulbs this year 2 to accidentally break the bulb while trying to replicate Mulder’s mirror- dance from “Dreamland” 38 to wander into chat rooms and ask, “OH NO, IS THE LIGHT BULB REALLY DEAD?” 7 to go to the hardware store and buy some more bulbs (it would have taken fewer, but 4 of them got delayed because they kept asking the manager if he had any “nice cerulean blue” paint and laughing hysterically) 2 to screw in the new light bulb (they wanted to be especially careful this time, because Vince Gilligan designed it) 1 to turn the light off and leave the room . . . because The X-Files is on!
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